past lives

I haven't written in a long time. I really don't feel well and the fluid is accumulating. I realize this would indicate the cancer is back and that is frustrating. I was scared but now I am just frustrated. I feel like I did everything right..... so let's move on to the metaphysical and explore that.

I have been reading Louise Hay. She is not only extraordinary, she makes a lot of sense. It's funny, but my vocal coach kept telling me to read her book, "Heal You Life". I downloaded a kindle book by her, but not the one suggested because she was going to let me read her copy. While my mom was helping me clean, she showed me a book and asked where i wanted it. You guessed it, I had a copy of the book the whole time. Ms. Cathy gave it to me to read.

Louise Hay writes about healing your body by healing your life. What does that mean? Well basically letting go of emotional an mental negativities. also she talks about manifesting the life you want with visualization and affirmations. It's good stuff, practicing it is a lot of retraining the way you think. I am trying, I will get it, it just takes practice.

I really let go of all the bad feelings i had stuffed deep inside. Well, it's not like I didn't talk about them before, but they still hurt, so I guess i had never let them go. As I ran out of things to let go of and I still felt terrible, I wondered "what if the reason I am having so many issues is not from this life?" "what if something horrible happened in a past life? How do I resolve something that happen in a past life if I don't know about it?". I think this is a legitimate question. So I ask it and I got an answer. Something did happen to me in a past life, and it involves rape, abandonment, rejection, chastising, and a choice that left my soul full of deep, deep guilt and sadness. It makes sense now that when Ms. Cathy did a emotional healing on me she felt the deepest sadness. I didn't think I had so much sadness in me, I thought I had worked through it. I see now it was coupled with my soul.

I am still processing it, and not really ready to write the whole story here..... yet. Now i have the knowledge of why, and all the tools to heal are here in my spirit. Implementing them, this is the part I have to figure out. I this close to healing for ever. YOU CAN DO IT JESS.... YOU CAN DO IT!

I can do it. I need to meditate STAT. :)